Just Another School...
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Who Did What Blurb
This whole monstruousity was originally conveived
February through March 2001 by the members of The Big Note - a Frank Zappa
YahooGroup. After an arduous gestation period, this site was birthed on
April 11 2001. True to the essence of collaborative effort, these people
are held responsible.
© TheBigNote 2001-2004
unless specified otherwise.
Speed will turn you into your parents.
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ZTrivia© Polls And The National Scene
The latest zTrivia© poll has closed; no one bothered to vote...
Thank you; thank you for your mild indifference... No, don't get up - really...
Seriously, you've done too much. No, I couldn't possibly...
Well - maybe just a few words... F**k you if you don't like my hat!
It falls upon me to announce a new zTrivia® poll. But, why should I bother? No one seems to want to be bothered...
SOFA, in a way, the lack of interest we sometimes experience on TBN may be a blessing in disguise. With too many members expressing a fervent interest, we would probably degenerate into two or more splinter groups (as has happened periodically to science fiction fan groups, and has ever since they have existed). The story of Isaac Asimov and other members of a group known as the "Futurians" being barred from the first World Science Fiction Convention in Philadelphia in 1939 is legendary.
Yet, it's interesting to note that in the two currently running polls, no two members have voted alike. I have decided, despite the fact of my accidentally giving away a HUGE clue, to let my recent poll run at least until a bit after SOFA closes his last poll. Due to my inexperience in setting up polls, however (this is my first in this venue), I have no idea who has voted; only that three people have. I rather like the way SOFA has been doing it, where it is possible to see who has voted for which option and I shall endeavor to include this feature should I initiate any polls in the future.
Remember, unless you're DAMN sure of your answer, you can still go in and change your vote at any time before the poll closes. I won't mind. Really, I won't. It's completely up to you. Please don't let me influence you in any way. In fact, it might be best if you had never even read this. Of course, it's too late now. I guess I shouldn't have written this. If I hadn't, the likelihood of your reading it would have been greatly reduced. Some might even say it would have been impossible, but I don't like to sound too negative.
Whatever else I do, I don't want to be an alarmist. It is my personal belief that the greatest current threat to ourselves, our nation, our culture, in fact our very existence, is the rising tide of alarmism in the world. I feel that something must be done about this IMMEDIATELY, or we will all perish! But, you say, won't we all perish ultimately, regardless? Of course, we will, but that's no reason not to get upset! That's no reason not to panic! That's no reason not to DO SOMETHING! Let this be a call to action! If you detect alarmist tendencies in anything or anyone, make them cease and desist with all means at your disposal!
Past a certain point, I must admit, there is not much that can be done. Once alarmism has reached certain proportions, there is little we can do but SCREAM! That's right, SCREAM! SCREAM FOR YOUR VERY LIVES!
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
SHE'S BACK! AND THIS TIME, SHE'S VOTING!!!
You thought "Blair Witch Project" was jiggly...
You thought "The Matrix" was too grounded in reality...
You thought "Something about Mary" didn't live up to the name... (Okay, maybe YOU didn't, but it all crossed my eyes - uh, mind. Especially the last one.)
Take heed all you prognosticators! TBN's very own crew slut has tossed her hat into the polling ring (actually, it wasn't a hat - more like some chiffon in a wrist array; but I digress).
Yes, the ever lovely, always unpredictable, Mary has graced our site and voted in the latest zTrivia® poll!
Charges that "she votes like a girl" are meaningless to this pollmeister; she's duking-it-out in the trenches in true FZ style...
So watch out, Mr. I-can't-be-bothered-with-meaningless-drivel... (Why have you read this far then? Hmm?)
Take a hike, Mr. SOFA-might-focus-one-of-his-pathetic-attempts-at- humor-on-me... (Hello goddess; gee, I missed you)
Learn a lesson, Mr. America-walk-on-by-the-[polls]-that do not teach... There's still time; the poll concludes in 24 hours.
That is all...
MIAMI, FLORIDA (Bogus News)
A paralyzed nation was amazed today when an electoral deadlock was resolved by a small group of "freaks" from the Internet, calling themselves "TBNers". Brashly claiming "It must be just what they all need," the leader of the group (apparently a large piece of living room furniture) led a ragtag brigade of brigands into a local poll to tip the scales in a power balance gripping the greatest nation on Earth.
"We have conducted several similar exercises in the past, some of them totaling nearly ten votes. Obviously we were needed here." stated the portly, maroon leader.
Red-faced electoral officials scrambled to recover from the surprise move as they struggled to learn some of the negotiating points demanded by the electoral rescue squad. "If we'd all been living in California, it would have been different," stammered one official.
"Gib zu mir etwas Fusboden da," begins one puzzling demand, which floored the unprepared officials. Another demand was that Michael Kenyan be installed as the Surgeon General. "I still don't feel as good as I felt this morning," said a haggard Al Gore, whose fatigue may have contributed to his next statement, "You mean if I smoke that, it's just the same as if I was in the electoral college? Roll it on up, roll it on up..."
In past statements, Gore has confirmed smoking hemp, but never has he publicly requested a joint in the late stages of an election. Mystery surrounds the whereabouts of Tipper.
*Brashly claiming "It must be just what they all need," the leader of the group, apparently a large piece of living room furniture…*
Did you catch the look on their faces when we whipped out the rubber hoses and hot soapy water?
*We have conducted several similar exercises in the past, some of them totaling nearly ten votes…*
Actually, we've never broken 9 votes (including mine) - so 8 has been our top number. But that's 8 votes for America, dammit! Do you smell that? Nothing smells like an enema in the morning!
*Red-faced electoral officials scrambled to recover from the surprise move as they struggled to learn some of the negotiating points demanded by the electoral rescue squad.*
They can't even speak their own f**king Language!
*"If we'd all been living in California, it would have been different," stammered one official.*
I hear a lot of really nice ones come from over there...
*"Gib zu mir etwas Fusboden da," begins one puzzling demand which floored the unprepared officials. Another demand was that Michael Kenyan be installed as the Surgeon General.*
"Abber beklekker nicht das nachtgown" was another. And I'm not backing down on Kenyan. We need someone in that position who's not too anal...
*"I still don't feel as good as I felt this morning," said a haggard Al Gore, whose fatigue may have contributed to his next statement, "You mean if I smoke that, it's just the same as if I was in the electoral college?"*
I'd still like to know how he got hold of Carl Zappa's sweatsox!
*In past statements, Gore has confirmed smoking hemp, but never has he publicly requested a joint in the late stages of an election.*
Now that's an outright lie! Why just last week, he and Tipper were in Detroit at the Green Hotel. They'd just completed an hour-long, oral extravaganza when Al turned to Tipper and whispered passionately...
Oh… Oh! You said ELECTION!
*Mystery surrounds the whereabouts of Tipper Gore.*
She'll be found in a couple of days, wandering around the outskirts of the desert, wearing nothing but a bra and boxer shorts, coming down from an Ecstasy high - or, at least with her eyes all shut in an ecstasy face.
*Mystery surrounds the whereabouts of Tipper Gore.*
Sometimes she just goes into her own little world. But that's okay, because they know her there.
Now you see, some places in the 3rd world, like Florida, it might be difficult to elect a president because the kerosene ballot counter is not a very efficient device. And a lot of times they run out of spunk right in the middle of an election... causing numerous votes to be cast for Pat Buchanan.
However, America continues in spite of the fact that the fuel may be low in their Ballot Counter. We suggest that in places like the 4th world, or Oregon, where things are really tough that you keep your election going by rubbing two candidates together...
The zTrivia® poll concludes in approx. 24 hrs. Vote early, vote often.
(Punch as many holes as you wish! No disenfranchisement!)
More Amusing Musings?