Lumpy Gravy Intro: On The Road With Jack Bivouac

Greetings fellow Zappa lovers! I'm Jack Bivouac. My son, SOFA, is a member of TBN. Shoot, that darn kid has been a member since the beginning. For a while, he seemed happy with his new-found Zappa friends. But after about a year, he came to me and said,

"Dad? I sure wish there were more Frank fans in the group than just the 5 we have."
To which, I replied, "Well go on out there on the Internet and get you some more, boy!"
"Who would I ask? And how will I know if they're the right type of Zappa fan for us? I don't want another AFFZ to spring from our friendly little group."
"Boy, I thought I brung you up with more sense than that - Yours aint the only Zappa interest group out there, is it? And yours aint the only one with a guestbook to sign, is it? So why don't you invite folks that have been visiting the other sites out there? And ask them a couple of questions about Frank to get a feel for their personality, before you ask them to join."

Well sir, that's how he came up with the "Lumpy Gravy" initiation. Oh it didn't happen overnight, to be sure. SOFA had a lot of false starts - and even more false hopes. But the Lumpy Gravy has become the only way to gain membership into the sacred inner circle of The Big Note.

Just in case you might be wondering what kind of questions are on the Lumpy Gravy, before you procede to the responses, the kind folks at TBN have given me their permission to reproduce one for you:

Dear (applicant),
I am the membership chancellor for The Big Note. Our Fuhrer, the great Poodle, has informed me that you have expressed an interest in joining our merry band of deviates. That fact alone leads me to question your character... My handle (or zappnick, if you prefer) is SOFA, but you can call me SOFA.
I ask a question (actually 2, sometimes 3 - never 4, but once 5) of each prospective member of our group. I call this "initiation" the Lumpy Gravy. Don't worry about it much. The questions merely serve to let the group know a little more about you. There are no right or wrong answers...
First of all, describe your depth of Zappa appreciation: would you describe it as Zijagh (Zappa is just a goddam hobby), or Ziawol (Zappa is a way of life)? [Choose one, or supply your own nifty tuff & bitchin acronym and explain what it means]
Next: please state what your favorite FZ recording is, and why you feel it is the best music ever recorded.
And finally: chose an appropriate zappnick for yourself. We can't go around calling you (applicant) - unless that IS your zappnick, in which case I guess we could...
Thank you for flying TBN.
SOFA

There ya have it, friends; the Lumpy Gravy in all of it's puffed flabulance. Have a nice stay.
Jack Bivouac