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This whole monstruousity was originally conveived February through March 2001 by the members of The Big Note - a Frank Zappa YahooGroup. After an arduous gestation period, this site was birthed on April 11 2001. True to the essence of collaborative effort, these people are held responsible.

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© TheBigNote 2001-2004
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First Bowel Movement

Howdy Friends, Jack Bivouac here. Y'all may be wonderin' why this Lumpy Gravy is called "First Bowel Movement". Contrary to the obvious, it don't mean that TBN - or the Lumpy Gravy - is full of shit. It means this is the Gravy that starts the real Gravy. No chemicals, no preservatives, and not a speck of cereal! And, it comes from way deep down inside - hence the title…
I really like the first one. effzee claimed not to be "a detail person", yet he conveyed the most erudite, well-thought, Gravy to date. His prowess was such that we made him one of the Literary Editors at He also gave my boy SOFA (the English Major) a major come-uppance; the little sucker had it comin' to him!
There are at least three other strong Gravies in this collection. Put on yer headphones - you won't wanna miss a single word…

Hail to all of TBN extraction! We have some Lumpy Gravy to digest. The first comes to us from Willie - aka effzee. Here it goes for you now, effzee's Lumpy Gravy; rub it!

Hail, Chancellor SOFA! I greet you in the name of all Maroon Portliness and other ambient, if somewhat rickety Segues! Ich bin dein Geheimer Schmutz!
An "anachronism" is an out-of-fashion, though not necessarily resurgence-resistant word, phrase or habit, occasionally elected to high office in certain Western Nations. An "acronym" is a set of letters, representative of a compound term. That term could be an anachronism (GOP comes to mind), but the timeliness of the thing has no bearing on its definition as an acronym.
I gotta interject here. My boy, SOFA, had been sending out all those Lumpy Gravies you just read with the statement "supply your own nifty, tuff, & bitchin anachronism and explain what it means". Mr. effzee was the first to catch his error - and compounded it by explaining what it meant!
You shoulda seen the look on Mr. Smarty-pants' face…
Thanks effzee. You just provided me with one of those great stories to tell my granchirren - the ones that all parents hate!
Anyone can create an acronym, any time, any place, for no reason at all. I'll attempt to do so now. A possible acronym describing the depth of my Zappa appreciation could be "ZITCOMSS", meaning "Zappa Is The Center Of My Solar System". This is cute because it rhymes with "SITCOMS", which stands for "Someone In Television Creamed On My Salad". It also provides a nifty tie-in to some FZ Album artwork.
I hope that will suffice, I'm sure you'll let me know.
Now, you want to know what my favorite FZ recording is. It would be dumb all over of me to say, "The one I'm listening to right now" (which happens to be "MAJNH"), but it would also be true. I just can't tell you which single recording I hold most dear. I HAVE to tell you that I don't yet have the "complete set". I have 32 albums/CDs in my collection, leaving me 20-odd short of the official releases in FZ's lifetime. And who knows how far short of the real "complete collection"?
But, there are some MOMENTS in his music that really stand out in my mind as incomparable:
1) The opening monologue to "Penguin in Bondage" from R&E, because it makes me feel good knowing my hero was more articulate and creative in his speaking skills than any person ever involved with popular music in this century. I just love his voice and his ability to weave difficult English into long, complete sentences, which at the same time make you pee your pants from laughing.
2) The song "Watermelon in Easter Hay" from JG, because it's the most soulful, tear-jerking set of notes I've yet heard from an electric guitar. The song is called the "last guitar solo" and in all my years of listening to "Guitar Gods" (and trying to play the damn thing myself), I've yet to hear a compilation of notes more worthy to take that honor. This song is proof that FZ was definitely NOT a heartless bastard, as so many of his critics tried/try to label him. Someone with THOSE notes inside of him has a definite and profound love of... something. I like to think that the "something" was life itself, though he wouldn't have admitted it openly, except through his guitar.
I dunno, this list could go on for a long while and it's getting late here in Northern Bavaria, so maybe I'll pass this along to you "as is" and let you tell me if you'd like some more or not.
I should tell you that I'm not really a "details" person. I don't know the concert line-up from every Zappa show since 1965, or anything like that. I just like his music. It's all I listen to anymore. Well, about 85% of what I listen to, anyway. Sometimes I put on Chinese meditation music and sometimes I listen to classical. I also like Surf Music. I think Link Wray was the real Grandfather of modern electric rock guitar and I'm surprised that I haven't yet found any mention of him by Zappa.
That's a wrap for today,
Goodnight SOFA, wherever you are,
:?)Willie G

Greetings moustache mavens!
Our humble little group has received two more interested fens at its door. Isik, aka "DRagonfly's all green 'n' buzzin'" (a little long for a zappnick, but his other name is shorter and both of his feet are too long, so I think it's okay), and Kevin, aka "Baldheaded John", have submitted the following Lumpy Gravies (respectively) for our consideration.

Greetings Sofa, here's ISIK
1) My appreciation is Zapparanoia. It means to be taken from a safe state of being, and suddenly shaken and shocked by Zappa's genius.
2) Favorite record is WRMF. It changed my view about life.
3) Zappnick: Still DRagonfly. You can consider it a "Dragonfly's are green and buzzin" (note that R is also in caps).

Hello SOFA, this is Kevin.
My Zappa Acronym would be - EBSDZ: Eat, Breathe, Sleep, & Dream Zappa (and also have sex to, but not sure how to fit that in so it doesn't look like I fantasize about Frank in that manner).
My favorite recording? Does it have to be a release that was set to wax or any form of media in general? My favorite LP is - Sleep Dirt, but I don't care for the CD version with vocals. My favorite single is I Don't Wanna Get Drafted b/w Ancient Armaments. My favorite CD is Hot Rats; I listen to that all the time. Favorite CD to have sex to would be 4 way tie between Strictly Genteel, Yellow Shark, LSO I & II, The Perfect Stranger.
Ok, for my zappnick you can call me Bald Headed John (King of the Plookers).

Well there ya have it sports fans: 2 new Lumpus Gravii to fuss and fetish over. You have 48 hrs from receipt of this post to object to their inclusion in TBN. I have had cyber-discourse with both of these applicants; they seem very nice.
That is all. SOFA

Bald-Headed-John (aka Kevcaf) is a zircon-encrusted, long-time Zappanatic, with lot's to offer to this merry band of 12-tone music-munchers.
Looks like a yes to me, Bill; what do you think?
- I can't really say anything about the other Gravy, because I've only been here for a week myself, and wonder exactly why I got in.
Should we tell 'em the horrible truth, Bill? Or let him figure it out on his own?
- He says he has only just discovered the wonders & weirdness, so maybe he would be better directed to another Zappa group? Or do we play the role of the cigar-chomping record producers of old? ("I dunno what the fuck he's got. Let him in and see what the fuck happens...", an attitude FZ appreciated and respected).
He's got the moves, all right, but how's his rhythm? (chomp, chomp) I think he's coming around, but nowadays, who can tell? What do you think, Bill?
- Well, at least my vote will count SOMEWHERE and I had better not become a chad on the voting room floor of destiny...
A Chad on the voting room floor? Is he on all fours - and naked? Watch out, Bill, you might step on Chad down there. Remember Bill, a vote for Buchanan is a vote for someone else in Florida.
SOFA (and Bill, his imaginary publicist).

Define "Wackerman" please. Maybe I've been deluding myself all this time...

*Define "Wackerman" please. Maybe I've been deluding myself all this time...*
No my son! Then you would be delusional... And no one believes that. You could well be illusional, but that's for others on another plane to decide. This plane is being hijacked to Tierra Del Fuego - but I digress.
"Wackerman" comes from the old Farsi, via the Ethiopian/Jamaican connection. Thus two derivatives exist: "Wackerman" and "Whack'ermon". The old Farsi holds Wackamon as the beater - or in some colloquialisms, the stroker. So the etymological tree of "Wackerman" is man stroker (or masterbator, as it were). I'm sure you can develop the proper connotation between beating skins and beating skin. "Whack'ermon" takes a different branch, incorporating more of it's original "beater" relation. The term garnered its present meaning and popularity from usage attributed to (oh shit, now I've forgotten his name) that African guy considered the father of Rastafarianism... Salassi, or something like that.
Anyway, what's-his-name was overheard mumbling this when questioned about his feminist wife. The recent resurgence of this term can be directly tied to the reissue of Bob Marley's "Greatest Hits".

Oh... I see, thanks. Uh, do not pay attention to the men with the butterfly nets at your front door. They are not here to harm you. In fact, they love you, really, trust me, just go with them...they're your friends...
*Anyway, what's-his-name was overheard mumbling this when questioned about his feminist wife.*
Would that then be a derivative of "Whack-her-one-for-me-man"?

Oh! You've been to Jamaica...


Hello all!
I sent out two Lumpy Gravies this AM. I have received one partial response (so far) and I thought I should post it right away. I will - of course - keep you informed on the remainder of this particular Gravy, as well as the other response I expect. This is from Dennis:

Well, Martha, uh SOFA, You need not question my character. I do have one. OK, More than one…
My depth of Zappa appreciation is somewhere between Zijagh and Ziawol... I would call it (destined to replace the Mudshark in your mythology) FZWAFOM - Frank Zappa was a friend of mine. (I also run Zappa-List - a dubious distinction, at best.)
My favorite recording... piece? device? I kinda liked it when Edison said "Mr. Watson, come here, I need you." Oh, you mean recording by FRANK? Dunno.
Zappnick? Let me get back to you on that.
There you have it, sports fans. Not complete, but not an utter failure as far as Gravies go. I do like the fact that he has taken the time to construct an FZ eGroup page...
Let's look at the remainder of his LG, which I've just received.
So, you need to know my favorite recording by FRANK? OK, if I have to narrow it down to ONE... damn...I can't... I really loved it when Frank went after Pseudo-Moralists, Religious Freaks, politicians, the military, and damn near any other institution, so tunes like Who are the Brain Police, Heavenly Bank Account, Dumb All Over, I'm the Slime... just love that stuff. But, MUSICALLY, Yesterday.
Yes, the one McCartney wrote. Frank turned that song on it's ear in Chicago and that was a moment that I'll NEVER forget. Good thing I taped it.
A Zappnick? My Mom called me the Grand Wazoo.... is that taken? "
And a very Lumpy Gravy it was! Dennis receives an official thumbs up from the maroon one.

Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.
The Grand Wazoo has just been added to TBN.
Kindly get up and change your list to include the Grand Wazoo.
Thank you.
That is all.

There ya have it, Friends… Lumpy Gravy in Four Solid Movements (and at my age, one is an unexpected pleasure!). I'm sure y'all can see that the Lumpy Gravy has matured into a lean, mean, initiating machine. Finally!
(Ya know, for a well-educated person, my boy SOFA aint to quick on the uptake)
I certainly do hope you've enjoyed this little expedition into the bowels of TBN. There's more where those came from. It's a simple matter of huntin' 'em down, dustin' 'em off, and shinin' 'em up…
Until the next Lumpy Gravy, this is Jack Bivouac signing off.

Frank Zappa

More Lumpy Gravy?