Supplemental Glands

With so many bookdealers heading out to the forests this coming winter solstice eve, I thought I might pass along a bit of safety information. IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.
When walking in the woods at night, ALWAYS leave a trail of breadcrumbs, seeds, nuts, and berries along the path behind you! That way if you do become lost you can simply follow your path of breadcrumbs, seeds, nuts, and berries to safety.
And, by the way, if it is still "hunting season" in the forest where you are, remember to dress like an elk or a deer. That way, if you come across any elk or deer on the loose, they won't recognize that you're human and try to give you a hard time…

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Can anyone out there inform me as to who or what Mrs. Margaret Thatcher was referring when she coined the phrase: "Cloud Cuckoo-Land."
I could have sworn she was referring to Saddam Hussein, and the nation of Iraq, but my wife says it was "a reference to where Britain's Labour Party would find itself if they persisted with their plans to re-impose the corn tax."
I thought the corn tax went out with the romantics.
Any help in this matter might at least "help" bring two estranged souls closer together. And, I seemed to have misplaced her ladyship's autobiography.

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Jeff, you want to know something? THAT book on Small Sawmill Erections has provided Libby and me with so much fun! She gets a kick out of all the new phraseology: "slipping the lumber", "Mr. Presto-Log," and (of course) the constant refrains to the beloved "stunted birch dwarf."
I can't thank you enough, Jeff. What would you like for Christmas? Just name it, buddy!
Love,
Bob Dole

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(Listen, I know some E-Bay sellers are dumb, but I've yet to meet one as dumb as my wife. She is so dumb she carries around condoms in her purse--and I've had a vasectomy!
Talk about T-H-I-C-K…)

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Yesterday evening my eight-year-old son, Paul, opened the door to our library--which I mistakenly thought I had LOCKED, and caught me parading around amongst the books wearing nothing but women's lingerie! I almost died of embarrassment!!!
His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. He was frightened… boggled… bewildered.
If it had been possible at that moment for me to simply make myself disappear, TO VANISH FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH, I surely would have done it!!!
Luckily for me, I then remembered that I am Paul's mother.
Mrs. GoD