Four or five years ago, I made a solemn vow that by December 30, 1999 I'd be ready to name my "Country of Century." That day is now upon us.
I've got to say the choice wasn't easy. I struggled over the issue for many a sleepless night. It was like wrestling the proverbial Vaseline-coated hippopotamus to the floor in a freshly waxed kitchen. As late as yesterday morning, I was pinned against the counter of self-doubt, self-remorse, and even self-loathing.
Then, yesterday at lunch, I was eating a plate of meatballs and reading the Time Magazine article about Nobel Prize-winner Alfred Einstein. I remember that I'd bought a book on Einstein (written by one of his relatives), and had no place to put it. I decided to drive to IKEA, and buy some attractive yet inexpensive bookshelves. Driving to that incredible store, I tapped my foot listening to the soothing dance pop sound of Abba. Suddenly it all came together in a flash. Meatballs... Nobel Prize... IKEA... Abba. It was obvious! Norway is my country of the century. (By the way I wound up picking up a long, fairly heavy cardboard-covered shelf that I've propped up on two bricks. It reminds me of Japan.)
Glands of Destiny: I'll take the lute, you grab the fisk...
I live in a building with a Jurassic Park-like security system that will default to "open doors" when the power fails.
Would you care to share your exact address with the rest of the group? We'd like to be able to check up on you on January 1.
Also, to save us the inconvenience of coming when you're not around, why not tell us when you'll be in - and when you'll be out - on that day? We're concerned about your welfare and we'd also hate to see anything go amiss with the valuables that you keep in... Which room was it, again?
Glands of Destiny: The doors are always locked, but the windows are easily broken.
Gentleman Jim wrote: I've heard, although I have not been able to confirm, that gun sales and registrations have been at an all time high over the past several weeks. While I am generally in favor of gun ownership by anyone, I wonder how many of these people have gone to the trouble of learning which end of the gun to point in what direction.
John Shinnick wrote: Thousands of small retailers were unable to process credit-card transactions in Britain yesterday. Wells Fargo U.S. sent out certificate-of-deposit renewal notices to customers dated Jan. 1, 1900. Customers in Iowa City received water bills that threatened a surcharge for payments made after January 3, 1900. And on and on and on.
I would like to remind everyone that the best course of action for you to take if you are inadvertently shot by a panicky, gun-toting Y2K survivalist is this: Lay down on the side of your body that the bullet hits you. This way (hopefully) only one lung will fill with blood.
And you may want to get one of those wireless Internet ready telephones before midnight. This way if mass quantities of blood are flowing in the streets - anarchy, revolution, looting, mayhem, carnage, etc, you'll be able to buy a ton of stocks at bargain- basement prices via e-trade.
PS So your computer does not crash, Double Click on control panel, to regional settings, to date, and change short date style to a four-year display "yyyy" and you should be fine. PPS I have an Apple and the control panel setting (under date and time) was set on a two-digit year. I just changed it. ...Phew!
Happy New Year,
Glands of Destiny: We'll Have You Patched Up And Out of Here In No Time!
It sounds like the pole falling on the power lines was a good thing for you and your kids. Like a fire drill for Y2K. And it must have been fun for them to view first hand their Mom "in action." I never thought about it before, but, now that you mention it, the Amish are REALLY Y2K compliant, aren't they?
Happy New Year to you and your kids. (I hope the right team wins the hockey match!) David Humphries
Glands of Destiny: America's Favorite Source for "Amish Revenge Thrillers.
"Tape of NATO strike on train shown at three times normal speed..."
But try telling that to my 65-year-old mother. She's still pissed off at me because over the holidays I dismissed one of her remarks on current events with a casual "Oh well, you can't believe everything you read in the papers."
She took it to heart. Stopped reading the papers. And now she's missing all her favorite programs on television because she doesn't see the TV listings.
Moral of the story: Nato train strikes film was shown at normal speed.
Glands of Destiny: Hate the itch, but, damn it, that swelling sure does feel good.
I'm new to this Group. Would anybody care to send me money, so I can get started?
Glands of Destiny: Like being on the net, but would prefer being on the take.
Last night, I awoke from a deep, restful sleep with the most amazing idea I've ever had. I couldn't wait for morning to come so I could put the plan in action. When I awoke again, I'd forgotten my idea. Do any of you remember what it was?
If you do, please remind me. (Hint: It was going to make me a whole shitload of money!)
Damn... I hate it when this happens. What WAS it!!!???
I think it might have had something to do with the Internet...
Glands of Lakes: Unsalted Butter