Don't Miss Your Flight On The Astral Plane

"With every new sunrise, there is a new chance. But with every sunset, you blew it." - Jack Handey

A couple of stories in the news caught my eye, this morning. An Associated Press reporter by the name of Ginny Parker (probably really Jeff Falco) writes about the business of "cute" in Japan. Among the popular products and licensing deals among the cartoon characters over there was one that made me want to take a red-eye to Tokyo tonight: Hello Kitty Sanitary Napkins.
"Gotta catch 'em all!"
The venerable-yet-vulnerable Wall Street Journal leads off this morning with the much-discussed-already story of the last full moon of the millennium (assuming that this is the real changeover, and not next year as the experts and marketers of millennium-related products tell us).
As we all know, next Wednesday marks the first time in 133 years that the moon will: a) be full b) on a winter solstice c) at its perigee (nearest point to the earth). What this means is that Lakota Indians will be able to drive at night apparently. (Why is it that every story you read about this full moon [including this one] mentions the Lakota Indians?) Sure the romantics out there are going to love it. But, what about us grouchy bookdealers? What's in it for us?
Here's one thing: One of the frequent topics of conversation at bookdealer cocktail parties concerns the subject of sleep - more specifically, what we look like when we're sleeping. I wonder about it all the time; no doubt you do too (We all do. It's nothing to be embarrassed about). In the past, the only way to find out was to trudge out the door into the rain, barge into a crowded shopping mall, wait in line, buy an expensive camera ($4.99 MINIMUM!), and have a friend (or kindly stranger) take your photo while you slept. After all that, the results were often less than satisfactory (Admit it, you weren't really sleeping - just pretending). Plus, two-dimensional objects cannot compare to the glitz 'n' glamour of the third, fourth, or fifth dimensions. Not in any way, shape, or form.
A couple of years ago, I figured out a way in which I could get the results I wanted. I wanted to see myself sleeping - not a picture of me sleeping. Here's what I did. I picked up a couple of books on astral projection. I whipped through them, and thoroughly absorbed what I had read. (People writing about astral projection have a special way with words; you'll see.)
Then, after I drifted to sleep, I left my body. As my spirit floated above my sleeping body, I glanced over my shoulder and gazed down. But, I couldn't see anything. I'd forgotten to leave a light on!
The next night I tried sleeping with the light on, but couldn't. I've been attempting this every night now for the past three years - with no success. But come next Wednesday...
Don't worry. I'll be sure to give you all a full report.
For the record, the Wall Street Journal also reported this morning that the Lehman Brothers Treasury Index is 8027.38--off 32.05. (But you probably knew that.)