Proper Form Letters

Recently, there has been some talk alluding to the fact that people were more civilized and polite in the past. This may be true in some cases, but there are instances when we can look back at etiquette books of the 19th century and discover for ourselves just how far we have come.
I offer the following 19th century rules of etiquette:
"No lady will be guilty of the vulgarity of sucking the head of her parasol in the street."
-- Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society; S. A. Frost, 1869
"What are you doing? Sucking the head of your parasol! Have you not breakfasted? Take that piece of ivory from your mouth! To suck it is unlady-like, and let me tell you, excessively unbecoming."
-- The Ladies' Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness; Florence Hartley, 1873
See what I mean? Rarely do we see people sucking on the heads of their parasols, these days! That is not to say that we don't see today's sophisticated, on-line surfer committing (what to many would be construed as) equally egregious improprieties.
Perhaps the time has come for someone to devise rules of etiquette for folks on-line.
P.S. "For a lady to go up the stairs of a hotel humming a tune is ill-bred, and may expose her to rudeness."
-- Good Manners for All Occasions; Margaret E. Sanger. 1921
P.P.S. "Don't dress like a 'dude,' or a 'swell,' nor carry a little poodle dog (a man's glory is in his strength and manliness - not in aping silly girls), nor cock your hat on one side, nor tip it back on your head (let it sit straight and square), nor wear anything conspicuous or that will make you offensive to others."
-- Modern Manners and Social Forms; Julia M. Bradley, 1889. D/H
Glands of Destiny: "When you see persons slip down on the ice, do not laugh at them."
-- Miss Leslie's Behaviour Book; Miss Leslie, 1859

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Great idea about the oil! Now, why didn't I think of that? Of course, right now I'm out of stock (shipped all of the last batch to a loquacious book dealer in Seattle). Have to get started on another batch of oil as I hope to see some sales coming from zShops. - Jim
JIM,
I don't want to sound like a shill for your product, but ever since my family and I have started using your all-natural spicy cooking oil for our meals, our lives have improved dramatically. And I do mean every single aspect of our lives. For instance, our skin-tones are so fresh and bright that people say we (adults) look ten years younger. Our attitudes have improved. The kids are happy and respectful at home, and they're getting straight A's at school. My wife and I are more intimate with one another than ever. She no longer even calls me "Satan."
I've got one question: If we can get all that from the cooking oil, what will the cigars do? Oh! And one more thing! Rather than wait for mealtime, is it OK to drink the oil straight from the bottle?
Sincerely,
D/H
Glands of Destiny: Oil's well that ends well...

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Dear TBNers:
Can anyone on this list read today's top two stories and NOT smell the coffee? "Microsoft's Gates Steps Down as CEO"
By MICHAEL J. MARTINEZ. (The Associated Press)
REDMOND, Wash. (Jan. 13) - Microsoft chairman Bill Gates on Thursday promoted his longtime friend and company president, Steve ["Cheetah"] Ballmer, to chief executive officer of the software giant that Gates co-founded.

"Oregon Scientists Clone Monkey"
By MAGGIE FOX. (Reuters)
WASHINGTON (Jan. 13) - Scientists said Thursday they had cloned a monkey - the first non-human primate to be cloned - in an experiment they hope will result in squads of genetically identical lab animals perfect for use in testing.
''Tetra'', a bright-eyed rhesus macaque, cloned from a quarter of an embryo, proves that this approach can result in live offspring,'' the researchers at the Oregon Regional Primate Research Center in Beaverton wrote in the journal Science. The method is commonly used in animals such as cattle but had never before been used to create a monkey [or Microsoft employee].
Background:
Bill Gates has just witnessed AOL and Time/Warner merge in the same week that he loses a landmark court battle to avoid paying benefits to "permanent temporary" employees. What does he do?
Steps down from the most visible position, and secretly plots to hire monkey clones of himself.
He's diabolical. He's sneaky. He'll do anything to win.
I guess that's why I love him.
Sincerely,
D/H
Glands of Destiny: Send in the clones...