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This whole monstruousity was originally conveived February through March 2001 by the members of The Big Note - a Frank Zappa YahooGroup. After an arduous gestation period, this site was birthed on April 11 2001. True to the essence of collaborative effort, these people are held responsible.

All content:
© TheBigNote 2001-2004
unless specified otherwise.
Speed will turn you into your parents.


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Pearls Before Swine

Nobody has brought it up yet, so, what the heck, I'll take the plunge. What are your New Year's Resolutions? This year is tougher than most, since it is the dress rehearsal for the Millennium.
Here's mine: I'm going to try and be less reticent about posting any whim, random thought, or inane observation I have to this list. I've held myself back for far too long. And no matter what--I'm certain I can improve on last year's faux pas. I tried to cut back to just one cigar a day. And I was successful.
But then my wife pointed out that I had never smoked before.
Glands of Destiny: Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Now here are a couple of strange tidbits:
A story about Amazon in this morning's WSJ, which was about the real river. It seems there's a floating courtroom that travels upon it, hearing cases amid the chattering of monkeys, jungle creatures, and pop-stars.
And last night on "All Things Considered," there was a tale about the Wal-Mart in Hunan Province, which is way out in the boondocks of Mainland China.
Isn't it refreshing to know that no matter where you may go in this world, you're NEVER very far from a lawyer or a Wal-Mart?
PS Mom, I'm not putting down your friends who work at Wal-Mart. I'm pointing out a fact that many have known for a long time: the lighting system at Wal-Mart is so bright, it outshines even the brilliance of the staff.
And that is no easy feat.
Glands of Destiny: Where all the employees wear insect-bug-light-blue vests and permanent scary smiles!


David's too rich & too thin. One of his children, however, would make "...a most delicious and wholesome Food, whether Stewed, Roasted, Baked, or Broiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a Fricassee, or a Ragoust". - JUNIOR
Junior, FYI: Paul, my eight-year-old, weighs almost 100 pounds. Harry, my six-year-old, weighs 60 pounds, at most. Katie will turn two in February. She's plump, cute, and weighs approximately 30 lbs.
I hope this helps you in your decision-making process.
David Humphries
Glands of Destiny: Never eat anything that can taste you back...


I know I've made references in the past that may have lead you to conclude that I believe you are trying to wreck my marriage. And I know I've made some remarks that may have insinuated (to some; i.e., anyone who can read English) that you are actually making up names of people, and having these fake people ask questions and then you come riding to the rescue like Clayton Moore, and answer them yourself.
But Jeff, you know and I know that I LOVE YOU.
The only reason I said those other things before was because of the holiday tension...I had a man out sick...another quit on me...I made a crab salad for a "Northern Exposure-in- Syndication" party and wound up poisoning 43 men, women and children.
It wasn't a great week.
So please, let's forget about all that toilet-hugging nonsense, and get back to the business at hand: What did "Blessed John of Avila" say in that sermon to cause "John of God" to go running through the streets screaming?
What years did Saint John of God live? Does anyone know what books he had that he gave away? Do any of them still exist? If so, where? Any help would be sincerely appreciated.
Glands of Destiny: Who Was that Masked Book dealer? Hi-Ho! Falco


"The Great Mobile Homes of Mississippi" is one of the best sites on the web. I was going to mention it to the people in this Group, but I couldn't think of a Zappa-related angle, so I didn't bother.
Why don't you post there, anymore? Your presence has been missed.
Glands of Destiny: Scrubbed and back in my tent

What was the deal with Satya?
When I first came to this Group, he (or she?) was there all the time - then ka-boomie! She (or he) quit. As for the Group - it seems like people come and go quite frequently here. I noticed Maria signed out already. Maybe she's coming back under a different name. I'm not sure I want to be using my real name here.
I just got back from a two-year-old's birthday party. Twenty screaming and wrestling kids!!! Everything seems so quiet now.
A graphic-designer I know in London wrote to me a while ago about the mobile homes of Mississippi. It's special.
That's why I mentioned it...

Frank Zappa

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