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This whole monstruousity was originally conveived February through March 2001 by the members of The Big Note - a Frank Zappa YahooGroup. After an arduous gestation period, this site was birthed on April 11 2001. True to the essence of collaborative effort, these people are held responsible.

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© TheBigNote 2001-2004
unless specified otherwise.
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In France

I'd never heard the "Cat Ladies and the Anarchists" tale before. I love it.
It's so nice when people of differing backgrounds get together and learn about one another's lives. Even though the anarchists caused a bit of a ruckus in the tale you told, I'm fairly certain those old ladies could have taught the boys a thing or two, as well.
Have any of you ever been on the Rue St. Denis, near the Chatelet Metro stop in Paris? Every afternoon the world's oldest (I think - Merv Griffin, excluded) prostitutes sit out on the benches and do their knitting while waiting for customers.
I never took the opportunity to get to know any of them intimately, but I could tell they were cat lovers.
Naughty cat lovers.
With naughty fingers.
And hoarse she'd been smoking one pack a day too many for about seventy years.
And that DAMN squeaking box spring!!
And we agreed 300 francs!!!
Yes, it's nice when folks get together and share stories of their lives.
Glands of Destiny: franc-ly speaking

She moved finally to the red light districts of Marseilles
Please don't get me started on Marseilles... I've had quite enough of the place. Suffice to say: Never again do I wish to wake in an alley with my trousers around my ankles and a used condom hanging out of my ass!
Merv Griffin
Wheels of Fortune: An AOL/Time/Warner/Glands-o-Destiny Corporation

Can anyone at this list tell me vhy it is that so many children in the south of France have a distinct likeness to beloved game-show-host, Merv Griffin?
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Hungary: A little country with lots of goulash and wery little else, dahling....

After a team of French doctors pump your stomach, how do they dispose of what they find?
Merv (two quarts) Griffin
Talk about gags... For a while, the only language I could speak was Phlegmish!

John, I think I told you this before, but in case I didn't, in the late '80s, I was a senior editor at Penthouse magazine for three years. During that time I heard some stories about Merv Griffin that I've been trying to forget.
Why oh why oh why did you have to bring up Marseilles?
I'll have Merv nightmares for Veeks......

Merv, Dahling...
Vhy you no write me no more letters with your naughty little mayonnaise pen?
Zsa Zsa

Zsa, I'm so sorry, my princess.
Last night was so magical. I drank and drank and drank the champagne...oceans and oceans and oceans of bubbly!!!!
Then, after the party ended, when I got to your place you looked so lovely...lying there in the nude...
I had to TAKE you from behind while you were still asleep!!!! Imagine my surprise this morning when "you" turned out to be your neighbor's teenage son, Francesco. What a boneheaded mistake! Luckily for me, I still had a Clark bar in my jacket. I'm sure you'll understand.
Will Francesco and I see you at the club tonight?


Have you heard that the Icelandic band Sigurros was invited to the David Letterman show? Usually the artists get 4 minutes, but the song Sigurros wanted to play was about 8 minutes. The people who run the show asked them to shorten the song or do another song, but they declined - the song they wanted to play was about 8 minutes, not 4 minutes or another song. So they didn't do the Letterman show.
I like this kind of an attitude.
I think all songs should be four minutes long. No more. No less. This would make scheduling much easier for our busy television and radio network executives. As it stands now, everything is so "random."
If artists were smart they would realize that the four-minute rule works in their best interests. Scheduling performances would be a much more precise science, and there could be more "acts" booked on various shows and programs.
Parents could use songs instead of egg timers to give their children "four minute warnings."
Television would improve, as well, if all shows were limited to four minutes. Sexual relations should conform to the four-minute limit, as well. "Honey, if you aren't there by the time the song/show/egg timer is over, you're going to have to finish the job on your own." This would take the "shun" out of copulation for many a harried network executive and/or artist.
I gotta go. Literally. I'm scheduled to defecate between 9:36 and 9:40 on Wednesdays. D/H
Glands of Destiny: Right on time...

Frank Zappa

More Glands Of Destiny?