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This whole monstruousity was originally conveived February through March 2001 by the members of The Big Note - a Frank Zappa YahooGroup. After an arduous gestation period, this site was birthed on April 11 2001. True to the essence of collaborative effort, these people are held responsible.

All content:
© TheBigNote 2001-2004
unless specified otherwise.
Speed will turn you into your parents.


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Glands Of TBN

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I don't get "rattled too easily" over trivial matters. Sure...I've been known to arch an eyebrow or two when presented with acts of astonishing bravado or stupefyingly dufus-assed inanity. There has even been a time or two in my short life (I'm 5' 8") where I've found myself so scared that I was literally "shaking like a shitting dog." But for the most part my emotional range has hovered precariously in the vicinity of "eerily aloof," "comfortably numb," to "pleasantly-semi-comatose."
But not any more.
Something has occurred that has me shedding the mild-mannered fašade, and slipping uncontrollably into a nearly palpable apocalyptic hissy-fit maelstrom of crazed-sissy-boy rage. The source of this unrelenting anguish is my utter contempt for the way most human beings view the MIRAGE. Most people think that mirages are merely "illusions" and, therefore, "nonexistent."
Astonishingly (to those of us who know better), many of our most scholarly dictionaries and encyclopedias espouse this nonsensical fallacy. More than a few of these same guides will simultaneously offer a more correct explanation muddled in with the lies. I'll write this once. So read carefully.
A mirage is due to the refraction of light by the earth's atmosphere. A mirage is a physical reality and thus CANNOT be illusory! An illusion requires a misinterpretation. A mirage is NOT a misinterpretation.
The mirage phenomena can be explained by the facts: (1) that light rays undergo refraction, i.e., are bent, in passing from a medium of one density into another of different density and (2) that the boundary between two such media acts as a mirror for rays of light coming in at certain angles.
When correctly understood, these refractions of light (mirages) are no more of an illusion than are the images seen by the refraction of light through a microscope, a telescope, or even a pair of ordinary reading glasses. What's more, mirages can be photographed. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
D/H glands of destiny:
PS. Thank you for letting me shed some light on this matter. I'll be toddling off to my study for a nice long smoke...

I thought there was a letter here ... but I guess it was just a mirage.

When correctly understood, mirages are no more an illusion than the images seen by the refraction of light through a microscope, a telescope, or even a pair of ordinary reading glasses.
Thank you for that clarification, GoD. I, personally, have experienced the above - looking thru a telescope at a microscope while wearing reading glasses. I fondly remember this experience as my only "mirage-a-tois"...
It's so good to know that I'm not alone.

But the fact that people might think they're seeing something, like, water, that is an illusion non?
Mr. Pugh


Well, I guess I DO have to say that if, one day, gravity should fail I hope that its failure is permanent and not just intermittent. I could get used to everybody on Earth floating gently away, but I would hate to start floating, and then have gravity all of a sudden kick back in. Talk about a rude awakening!
D/Hglands of destiny


(According to the April 2001 Harper's Index)
"Rank of Oasis singer Liam Gallagher among public figures most reviled by Britons: 3.
"Rank of Slobodan Milosevic (Serbian War Lord) and Adolf Hitler (Austrian born-Nazi, book- related author of 'Mein Kampf'), respectively: 2, 1."
My question to all of you Brits: C'mon gang, Slobodan's not THAT bad of a guy is he? Sure, the bloke's a bit of a troublemaker, but nothing like Liam.
And besides, he can no doubt sing better, too.
I'm going to London tomorrow to investigate. I'll offer a report from the front later next week.
D/Hglands of destiny: ta for now....

Once again, the so-called experts have got it wrong.
Once again, I've learned the hard way never to believe the pollsters.
There was a statistic quoted to me yesterday in one of London's pubs that truly blew me away. I went around last night quoting it to everyone - it was so UNBELIEVABLE!
The stat: "Only one out of every 17,339 British men can perform oral sex on himself."
Amazingly, everyone I talked to about this statistic seemed to find it accurate and reliable. (Most of these people were drunk.) Only upon waking this morning did realize precisely where the error of the statisticians figures came into play.
If you were a British male who was capable of performing oral sex upon yourself - you can best believe that you would have better things to do than answer stupid sex surveys.
I'd better go. I've already said a mouthful. And besides, I think I threw my back out last night
(I'm curious as to the status regarding the male subscribers to this Group. I'm relatively certain that the frequent posters are unable to perform the aforementioned feat, but this could explain the prolonged silences from some of the lurkers.)
D/Hglands of destiny


I just received a fascinating Sotheby's catalogue of the Richard Manney book collection auction that took place on October 11, 1991. His collection was truly amazing, but the catalogue gives no background information on Mr. Manney, or his reasons for deciding to sell his collection. I seem to recall a film (well...several films, actually) starring a fellow by the name of "Dick Many." Are the two gentlemen in any way connected?
D/Hglands of destiny: Seeking Immediate Funding to Put A Man on Uranus.

Did anyone take the Moncia Lewinsky poll/Jenny Craig poll today on AOL?
Look....if you don't vote, you shouldn't complain to loudly about the "system."
I loved the Andrew Morton book. He should write one about Monica, too.
D/Hglands of destiny: (If our prices were any lower you'd be worried that we'd suffered some form of brain damage, so be thankful that they're as high as they are.)

Frank Zappa

More Glands Of Destiny?